Ministry

Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out my niche with ministry for the remainder of college since I graduate in three months.

I haven’t completely figured it out yet, but I think I’m supposed to be doing something simply profound.

Multiple people have told me during my life that I am a good listener because I “really” listen….whatever that means.

Yet when I think about myself and about the people I know, we share the universal longing to be listened to and understood.

I’m starting to think that what I’m supposed to be doing in the next few months is not giving profound advice, but simply showing love by listening and hearing about the hearts of my friends as they share things with me.

I’ve been avoiding church for weeks. I realized today that there is something very uncomfortable about going to church and sitting alone. It’s silly, really…avoiding a place where I can experience God because I don’t want to be there alone.

And yet, I don’t. I realize that I shouldn’t care so much about what other people think of me, yet when I’m sitting in church alone, that’s all I can think about. My mind wanders, my soul feels restless, and I couldn’t enter a spirit of worship if I tried.

I have almost an inability to relax in most situations, and that seems heightened when it’s just me with my thoughts and struggles in a wooden pew. It feels so vulnerable…like the whole world knows exactly what the darkest parts of myself are.

However, I’ve decided to give church a shot again this Sunday. I have a great friend to go with, and I’m happy that I’m open to going for the first time in months. I’m excited to see how God will use the morning to speak truth into my life.