Religion and faith have been on my mind quite a bit lately. Well, not exactly since I hardly have time to think anymore, but I digress. Anyhow, I’ve discovered that no matter how full I cram my life so that I won’t think about my spiritual failings, there are moments when despair and discontentment creep up and threaten to mar my day.
I went to the Getty yesterday. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a museum, and one of the things that struck me as I walked around was the major influence religion has played on art. I started to realize that I’ve never been so moved by God or faith or Christianity that I expressed my feelings through brush strokes on a canvas or lyrics to a worshipful melody.
I’m at a crossroads. I know how to live a Christian life…I know all of the traditions, all of the correct responses to all of the questions, and I even know how to encourage others in their faith. However, what I really don’t know is how to have a relationship with God. I really don’t even know if that’s possible. I don’t know how to separate the logical and rational side of my brain that says this quest is completely ridiculous, with the spiritual and hopeful side of my brain that says this quest is absolutely necessary for survival.
F. Scott Fitzgerald summed up how I’m feeling best: “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
