The Space Between

Firenze

On July 12, I returned from Italy and Greece. The experience was incredible, and the weeks since have been a rough period for me. In addition to sorting through thousands of photos, I’ve been fruitlessly job hunting, attempting to connect with God on a daily basis, and desperately missing Italy.

This is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote on August 12:

“I think for much of my life I’ve been searching for a place that feels like home. I love Carmel, Malibu, Santa Barbara, Maui, and the Bahamas – I have happy memories in all of those places. But when I reached Italy, I felt like I finally arrived – it was like a homecoming for me, and it was even better than I had ever imagined it would be. And now it feels like I’m constantly holding back tears and like my heart is about to leap out of my throat. I didn’t know I could feel so much or fall so deeply for a place, a country, a physical representation of heaven on earth. All I long for is to return and stay. If I don’t, I will always feel as though I missed out on something truly spectacular.”

Last week my grandma sent me a text message that said she wished we were going to Florence for the day, and I nearly burst into tears in the middle of a parking lot. And when I finally saw “Under the Tuscan Sun,” I came close to breaking down again. I know that moving to Italy isn’t realistic or practical but I could care less. All I want is to return to the place that allowed me to experience the most joy in Christ and in life that I’ve ever known.

I don’t know when or how I can return, but I do know that it’s an adventure I want to embark on. “You can always go back, but it’s important that you go in the first place.”